A letter to my so-called representatives in Wasnington, D.C.
Senator:
I have proposal for you.Whereas: I am agin all this thieving I ain't in on.
And.
Whereas: You in Congress have seen fit to steal from future generations to bail out a bunch of criminal bankers, a necessity caused by their taking insane risks,
I offer the following:
I have some non-performing assets I would like to divest myself of. To wit: consisting of two motorcycles that no longer run (thus the designation: non-performing asset). I will let them go to the possession of the Federal Government for the sum of $50,000 dollars American each. This being $100,000.00 for the two. I am in possession of clear titles for both and am willing to transfer said titles for the sum of $20,000 each or $40,000 for the pair. I think this a fair document fee. (This a much better deal that the government is getting for the unknown basis deriviatives being bought from banks.)
In addition: I am in possession of a Jeep Cherokee (1981, clear title) that I will transfer to the ownership of the government for the sum of $100,000 American dollars. The document fee for title transfer will be $30,000. This vehicle in need of complete restoration, hence, the designation: non-performing asset.
In addition: I have a riding lawn mower that hasn't run in over two years. this should meet the requirements to be considered a non-performing asset as well. I will transfer ownership to the Federal Government for the sum of $10,000 American dollars. There is no title to this asset.
If the government should like delivery of these assets, it can be arranged. I will cover delivery anywhere in the continental United States for the sum of $10,000 American dollars for each item, plus applicable fuel surcharge based on 1 mile per gallon and the weekly DOE cost of fuel price juxtaposed against a fuel basis price of $0.36 per gallon. Delivery to be expected within three years of receipt of payment.
I think you can see this offering is in the best interest of both the taxpayer and the thief (uh, excuse me, I meant: me). I look forward to recieving the paperwork required within the week.
Sincerely,
Benjamin NapierAnderson, TX
I have proposal for you.Whereas: I am agin all this thieving I ain't in on.
And.
Whereas: You in Congress have seen fit to steal from future generations to bail out a bunch of criminal bankers, a necessity caused by their taking insane risks,
I offer the following:
I have some non-performing assets I would like to divest myself of. To wit: consisting of two motorcycles that no longer run (thus the designation: non-performing asset). I will let them go to the possession of the Federal Government for the sum of $50,000 dollars American each. This being $100,000.00 for the two. I am in possession of clear titles for both and am willing to transfer said titles for the sum of $20,000 each or $40,000 for the pair. I think this a fair document fee. (This a much better deal that the government is getting for the unknown basis deriviatives being bought from banks.)
In addition: I am in possession of a Jeep Cherokee (1981, clear title) that I will transfer to the ownership of the government for the sum of $100,000 American dollars. The document fee for title transfer will be $30,000. This vehicle in need of complete restoration, hence, the designation: non-performing asset.
In addition: I have a riding lawn mower that hasn't run in over two years. this should meet the requirements to be considered a non-performing asset as well. I will transfer ownership to the Federal Government for the sum of $10,000 American dollars. There is no title to this asset.
If the government should like delivery of these assets, it can be arranged. I will cover delivery anywhere in the continental United States for the sum of $10,000 American dollars for each item, plus applicable fuel surcharge based on 1 mile per gallon and the weekly DOE cost of fuel price juxtaposed against a fuel basis price of $0.36 per gallon. Delivery to be expected within three years of receipt of payment.
I think you can see this offering is in the best interest of both the taxpayer and the thief (uh, excuse me, I meant: me). I look forward to recieving the paperwork required within the week.
Sincerely,
Benjamin NapierAnderson, TX
Labels: bailout, non-perfroming assets, thieving
posted by nappy at 8:59 AM
1 Comments:
Excellently well-played. But has it not occurred to you that as buyers, they will require a title search? They'll undoubtedly pass on the expense for that to you, to pay for a few extra $600 toilet seats that they still have in inventory and can't give away.
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